It is now the end of September, and finally cool winds are blowing, clouds are in the sky, and the blazing heat has vanished. I have given up on the garden, only a few tomatoes remain on the vines, and with the cooling of the weather they may not ripen. I had very high hopes for the garden this year, but the highest yielding plants were the "Ichiban" eggplants, and it turned out there were not too many ways to cook them that any of us enjoyed. The sunflowers were lovely, big and bright, and their blooms gave me many weeks of joy. I must remember to plant sunflowers every year!
My son had a birthday last week, he's now 13 going on 30. The changes he has gone through the past year are huge - from boy to someone who thinks he is a man! He has assumed the man of the house role since his dad died, so in a way he has earned the right to claim the man title. He is overly bossy, thinks he is right about everything, obsessive about locking the doors and turning off the lights, and is a major penny-pincher. I try to rein him in when it becomes too annoying, but usually just let him do his thing, because I think somehow it helps him feel he has some control in this crazy world where so many things happen that we can't control. He does have the ability to show his love for his family, in actions and words, and as long as he can do that, all is well.
We have changed as a family these past months since the loss of my husband in so many ways. Roles have changed, routines have changed, and we are more deeply bonded and protective of each other. We realize that despite our grief, which is still very present, we can be happy and that it's OK to be happy.
Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape. - C. S. Lewis