Last week the kids went back to school, and I find myself with a lot of time on my hands in the mornings and early afternoons. I don't have to go to work at the hospital until 2:30 p.m., so that leaves plenty of time for whatever needs to be done. I feel like I need to take some of this time for myself to just do nothing . . . just be. But if I am alone too much I tend to start thinking about Richard, and getting wrapped up in the questions I have in my mind about his death, the loss of our future, the effect it will have on the kids, whether I am doing the right things now as a single parent, etc. So it's probably better to stay busy for the most part.
We kept ourselves very busy this summer with trips to the coast, visiting family in San Diego, and the kids had a lot of fun. Some of it was hard for me, like going back to places in San Diego that I went to many times with Richard, and even talking to an old neighbor. But I felt that I really needed to see those places again, and it was part of my healing process.
The kids are both as big as I am now, and turning out to be such great people. They have been through such a difficult time, but carry on, and have very strong characters. They seem to have matured at a more rapid pace these past six months since our loss. I lean on them for my strength, and their youthful optimism keep me looking forward to God's plan for my future.
Loss changes our vision of life;
it can give birth to deeper self-awareness
and open our heart to greater love
for other people and for God.
- adapted from Galatians 6:2